I once had a supervisor tell me, “You look distracted when I talk with you. Either you are smart, and get what I say right away, or you have A.D.D.”

I don’t have A.D.D.

I work with IT leaders who are frustrated. They have good ideas, everything from small concerns to critical concerns. But they can sense it when people are turning them off. They conclude that people are not interested in what they have to say. Worse, they have trouble being heard on what matters most.

Good ideas are compelling. Good thinking changes lives and companies. You have great ideas. They must be heard. People are interested in what you have to say. How you say it is what holds or loses attention.

CIOs must correct four common errors when speaking whether it is in conversation or in a presentation.

You are saying too much.

Speakers must avoid two pitfalls. One is the side road. A side road is any subject, thought or idea that does not relate directly and in line with where you are trying to guide a person’s thinking.

If you have ever heard a speaker say, “That reminds me of a funny story,” and they tell it simply to be funny, that is a side road. If you ever say, “As an aside,” don’t. There is no aside. “That reminds me” is a horribly dangerous trail. Side roads can look intriguing, but don’t go down them.

The heart of speaking is in what you say; the art of speaking is in what you do not say.

Joe Woodruff, Executive Coach, CIO Mastermind

Speak focused on one idea.

The second pitfall is litter. Litter is any unnecessary word or phrase.

If you preface a remark, it is unlikely the preface was necessary (like I did there). I could have just written: Prefaces are rarely necessary. “I’m not sure if you will agree with me” is a preface. It is also unnecessary. You are a human. You open your mouth. It is already a given I may or may not agree with you.

More litter: “I would like to show you,” “Let me tell you,” “I believe,” “In my opinion.”

You have pet words and phrases. Ask your friends and family what they are. Then root them out.

You are picturing too little

While helping a CIO improve his interview skills, he said to me, “Over my career, I have worn two hats.” I later told him that I appreciated the picture. He could have gone straight to the point: I have both consulted with a number of companies and I have worked exclusively for one company.

When he used the picture about wearing two hats, I connected with him. Most of us have worn multiple hats. I wanted to know what his hats were. If he went straight to consulting vs. exclusive, I may not have related as well.

But isn’t my friend guilty of saying too much? No, because word-pictures evoke emotion and understanding. They are the perfect complement and set-up the reality behind them.

Word-pictures also disarm. In conversation, especially where one is trying to convince another, people subconsciously look for contrasting ideas or fighting words. Word-pictures invite commonality. “It’s like walking a tightrope, isn’t it?” With a simple phrase, I just earned your acknowledgement. You might even add, “With no net underneath!” Now, I have you set up to listen to how I am trying to balance our competing ideas, etc.

You are assuming too much

In saying too much, you are guilty of side-roads and litter; but in assuming too much, you are guilty of tripping up your listeners.

My friend used a phrase in our mock interview: “I am driven.”

He saw only the good qualities in being driven: he has a goal, he works hard, he doesn’t quit. Not everyone has that experience around a person who says they are driven.

I reminded him that people who are “driven” can be callous, people-users, imbalanced, manipulative, only results-oriented, and an ass.

We assume too much if we use words that others may attach histories, experiences and emotions to.

We assume too much when we use common sayings. If a person remarks, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” they have set their listeners up for any number of distractions. The contrarian will immediately think of instances in which it did fall far; another will think of how that is true, and wander into thoughts of their family. Someone else will think about their grandparents’ apple orchard.

When you are speaking, you must do so with the listener’s clarity and ease in mind. Keep them focused on your idea. Do not trip them up.

If you believe people need to do a better job of interpreting what you are saying, change your belief. Brains don’t work hard for long, and they take the easy way out.

You are filtering too little

Filter negativity, and filter the me-monster.

Negativity is easy to breed. People will often try to communicate who they are by telling me what they are not: “I’m not a people person;” “I don’t like conflict;” “I’m not like my last boss who…”

If you give people a negative, they will answer with a negative. Every time. Consciously or not. Negativity fosters judgment. (If you are not a people person, I guess we won’t be friends. If you avoid conflict, I’m not going to be able to be honest with you. If you talk about your last boss like that, you will talk about me like that). Every time.

Flip the negative into a positive. If you prefer projects to people, say “I love working on projects.” If you don’t like conflict, acknowledge the positive possibility, “Conflict handled well can lead to real growth.”

The me-monster emerges anytime you speak in a way that sets you up as apart from another. No matter who you are speaking with, communicate that you are “in it together.”

We make fun of the nurse who asks, “How are we feeling today?” There is a reason he says that. He is communicating that health is a partnership, and that you are not alone, and that anything that happens isn’t him doing it to you but with you.

“We” can also be presumptuous. “And” is not, as in, you and I. Please avoid “you,” as in, “you have a problem.” Instead, “the problem is” and “we” or “you and I” can….

As a speaker, my focus is on my listener and their experience. They have given me the privilege of their attention. They want the value of my perspective. If I say or assume too much, if I picture or filter too little, they will withdraw the privilege and undervalue my idea.