“The man who is at war with himself will be at war with others.”
- Dag Hammerskjold

I was surprised at my friend’s admission. He is a counselor, and we were discussing the value of introspection and the ease of self-deception. He described an event to me and said, “I had to blow the whistle on myself.“ That is an image I have never forgotten.

I commit fouls. I don’t play an error-free game. Not everyone sees, and those who do don’t always know how to call “Foul” on me. It’s up to me to blow the whistle.

Who wants to do that? The leader who refuses to compromise their self, who wants to model genuineness, who is committed to others and shared mission, who seeks the best of their own self in order to draw out the best of others.

That’s who. I’m sure that’s you.

I mentioned in my last article that I will be producing a webinar on “How To Tell The Truth Without Getting Fired.” You can find the article here:

I hope you read it and comment on it, because it will help me focus the material to the questions you want answered.

Before the webinar, though, I want to share some insights that won’t be in the material, at least this time around: How to tell yourself the truth before you tell it to another.

Introspection

Leaders need to be deep in truth; especially, today, the CIO. You have received a great deal of trust recently, and you are looked to as never before. But remember, one can fall faster than they rise. You had to step up, but you can’t afford to step back.

You are in it. You must tend to the technological, the transformational and the strategic. Key to each is a firm grasp on reality as well as possibility. And the possible and the real depend on knowing the truth.

You have days in front of you in which you must tell the truth to your downlines, peers and uplines. It won’t always be what everyone wants to hear, but it will certainly be what they need to hear. How you do that is the subject of the webinar. What you must do first is the focus of this article.

Before you can lead people into hard-truth, you have to lead yourself there. Introspection is your friend; self-deception is your enemy.

Introspection is an examination of both your rational mind and emotional mind. Every conversation is comprised of four components:

Information: What is the knowledge base of each person in the conversation? Who knows what that is different from the other?

Interpretation: What does a person believe about the facts they have? What conclusions have been drawn?

Impact: How does the issue being discussed affect the life of the other person (this is usually a threat assessment)?

Insight: What is the outcome and way forward that is in the best interest of each?

Every person has thoughts and feelings around each of the components. Even when it comes to information (which seems all rational), some people want to know as much as possible, whereas others don’t want to be weighed down with more information than they think they need. For one, information is power. For another, information is a responsibility. Emotions swirl around having too much or not enough information.

As a result, the introspective leader needs to do two exercises before a hard conversation:

Examination of their self

• What information do you have that the other person doesn’t? Do they need to know it in advance or in the moment? What information might you not have, and do you want to know it beforehand? Another way to look at this: Are you operating on any assumptions that need to be challenged with information?
• What is your interpretation? Do you have a clear statement? Have you tried to understand what other interpretations are available?
• How does the conversation impact you versus the other person? What will be the effect on you if any? What positive and negative outcomes do you expect and how do you feel about each?
• What do you believe the way forward will be for you? What represents your best interest? What are the acceptable compromises that might present themselves.

Assessment of the other

• What primary emotions do you anticipate any new information might bring?
• Are you aware of the other person’s interpretation of the issue/event in front of you?
• What is the likely impact on the other person? What is the fear they may have?
• What do you believe is in their best interest? What will be their major pushback if their thinking doesn’t align with yours?

Telling yourself the truth is an act of power. You cannot rally, challenge, correct, counsel or call to change from a position of weakness. If you don’t speak and listen from power, then you are doing so out of manipulation. You start looking for the edge, the advantage or the leverage. You are no longer engaging, you are wrestling.

There are two adversaries the CIO must overcome in order to tell the truth from a position of power.

The first is a brutal, ruthless and relentless awareness of your self-talk. Part of introspection is listening to the messages in your head and the motivations in your heart. You must expose beliefs about yourself both true and false. It’s the only way you will honestly examine yourself as described above.

The second adversary is anxiety. Anxiety is a negative prediction of consequence. It’s the belief that you will not be okay in the end. When it comes to telling people the truth, any number of reactions may come your way. There may be a need to weather a storm. But you will weather it.

To tell yourself the truth, you must expose lies about yourself within yourself. “That is not true” means something is true. Embrace that.

To tell yourself the truth and enter into hard conversations, you must be in a place of peace. Peace is not absence of conflict; it is soundness and security. Anxiety causes you to fragment; peace brings your mind and emotions into unity. You are okay. It will be okay.

A great leader tells the truth for no motivation other than to bring about the best possible way forward for a person and the company they are in. It isn’t always easy, but it can always be effective.

Truth is what moves a person and company forward from being stuck or wayward. There is no substitute. And it starts with you. Tell yourself the truth, and you will have the skills, empathy and conviction needed to tell the truth to others.

Jesus may have been right when he said, “The truth will set you free.”