I have a love/hate relationship with anger.

Growing up, I was not a stranger to people being enraged at me. I have never been considered a tall man, and I used anger as a weapon and as a defense. Anger has been something to manage.

On the other hand, anger has been a signal for me, a counselor calling me to look within, to discern. I have needed anger to move me from complacency. It has been a lighthouse in the storm.

My experience is not unique. Anger has sparked hideous abuse and violence. Anger has defended the rights of the disadvantaged. We avoid anger. We need anger.

We are done, of course, with out-of-control anger in the workplace. We fight against force; we push back against fear, intimidation and threat. Please let there be a no tolerance policy for abusive leadership.

That said, anger contributes to health in the workplace. But how? Or when?

Let’s tackle the when.

1. You are responsible for the well-being of people. When your people are treated unjustly, anger must rise. As a CIO, you have authority and responsibility to teach others how to treat your team. I am a parent. Mistreat my kids, incur my wrath. How would they feel if I was passive about their well-being. Of course, I teach them how to stand up for themselves. But in the workplace, your team is often faced with conditions and policies in which they have no voice. You must be their champion.
2. You are responsible for getting things done. There are obstacles that require patience, and then there is obstinance that requires response. You will work with three kinds of people. The first group is insightful. They seek to understand. Sometimes, all they need to get out of the way is information. The second group is teachable. They will respond to correction. They just need to see what they are doing and how that isn’t working. They didn’t put two and two together. But the third group is obstinate. They won’t change without consequence, and even then...You must get in their face.
3. You are responsible for yourself. Anger suppressed will erode or erupt. You will suffer inner dysfunction, or you will suffer the penalty of an uncontrolled outburst. You must allow yourself to be angry. Anger is a neutral emotion morally: it can be effective or ineffective, right or wrong, good or bad. You have the ability to make it a friend. It must be a companion, not a stowaway.

So how?

1. Be aware of its presence. Awareness asks “Why are you here?” Get beyond the immediate reaction. Examine it. Is it injustice, obstinance, rightful offense? Or is it a signal of something else going on that requires your attention? Fatigue? Disappointment? Undealt with frustration?
2. Be aware of its power. Where is it on the scale of mildly perturbed to dangerously close to the surface? A couple of techniques when the danger level is high:
3. Breathe. Four second inhale. Four second hold. Four second exhale. Four second pause. Repeat until you feel calm.
4. Walk. Get out and get moving.
5. Talk. Call a trusted friend or support and vent. The action of talking it out will often work it out.
6. Be aware of its purpose. What is a constructive expression of this anger? Is it time to address an issue you have been avoiding? Is it time to show emotion about an issue? Is it time to clarify expectations that others don’t seem to be picking up on?

Making friends with your own anger will also help you process the anger of others. About what are they really angry? Is there a way you can help them gain perspective on their anger?

I love IT executives. They rock. But frankly, gang, we haven’t looked at anger as a skill to master. Get comfortable with it, and train your team in how to leverage it, not avoid it.