We live fractured..
We lead compartmentalized.
And then we wonder why we are at conflict with ourselves even when others celebrate our accomplishments.
What I have learned over the years is that I was unaware of the fracture and the compartments. I didn’t see them for what they are because I focused on what others assumed wholeness to look like: career growth, financial stability, family togetherness, and reputation-building.
Check the boxes, and you don’t feel fractured; achieve them, and compartments seem to be a secret to success.
Turns out, you still miss the mark.
That New Time Of Year
Leaders reflect. Many leaders use this holiday stretch to review the past year, learn from it, and anticipate the new year. We make resolutions. We may not call them that - resolutions seem restricted to more personal goals like health or family time - but we make them nonetheless.
And we should. Intention creates attention. Training beats trying. Goals are great, but they die without systems. As James Clear says, "Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results...You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems."
I’m not sure what you call your resolution. I call mine creation. There are certain things in a year that I want to create. And I’ve learned that if I want to create something, I better create it in a sustainable environment. Hence, the value of systems and goals.
But.
In over thirty years of coaching leaders, I’ve observed a lot of resolutions being made around how people want to be a better professional or a better leader or a better executive or a better expert. I’ve seen smart goals set and strategies placed.
And I’ve seen shortcoming, failure and quitting. The problem wasn’t in the goal or the system. It was in the resolve.
A Tale Of Two Accomplishments
Here is the common way that people get things done:
Demand____(Responsible)____Finished
A demand is placed on them. There is a finished product or result. What drives the action between the two is the sense of being responsible or being held responsible.
Such an approach is not without reward. We have functioned like this for a long time, and from it comes benefits such as promotion, bonuses, resume building, and positive reputation.
And people feel empty, quit halfway through, wonder if this is all there is, and wake up to disillusionment. Ask me how I know.
When we are in this mode, we misinterpret resolve. We think of it as
- Gutting it out
- Finishing come hell or high water
- Insisting people are with you or against you.
The problem with those is:
- Gutting it out refuses to admit that something is hopeless. Leaders understand that they need to embrace hope and hopelessness. There is a time when a particular way needs to be seen as a dead end.
- Finishing come hell or high water leads to problem blindness. Critical issues which will surface in the future are minimized or marginalized.
- Insisting that people are with you or against you leads to conflict avoidance instead of collaborative challenge.
There is a better way:
Desire____(Resolve)____Fulfillment
There is something you want. You endure meaningfully to achieve it. Success results in fulfillment, a reward within yourself greater than any reward outside of yourself.
The key is in the resolve. Resolve is greater than the goal it eyes or the system it resides in. And here is how it works.
How To Resolve
You are composed of three dynamics: identity, capacity and purpose. Identity is who you are; purpose is what you want to accomplish; capacity is what you do and develop that expresses who you are and serves what you want to accomplish.
Fulfillment is related to identity. When you reach the end of something, and it feels fulfilling, it means a part of who you are has been satisfied.
Desire is related to purpose. Even though your purpose is outcome based, something triggered you wanting the outcome.
Resolve is related to capacity. I must do what I can or develop what I can’t in order to reach an end. What keeps me on course is the ability to endure meaningfully. That is what gutting it out, etc cannot provide; there is no meaning behind the stamina.
A personal example:
Identity: I’m a geek with executive tendencies
Purpose: I attend a networking event and I get frustrated at the same old surface interactions and vendor pitches. I am triggered. I recognize a desire in me: Create a peer- advisory group for C-Suite technologists that is vendor free, focuses on members needs, and provides unbiased input into their situations.
Capacity: To do this, I can utilize my skills in networking, technology stacking, and facilitating. I’m going to need to recruit some team members for specialized skills. I’m going to need to learn some ways to leverage marketing and maximize LinkedIn on limited start-up funds.
Resolve: When I am successful, I will have satisfied my geek with executive tendencies by being a CEO to a cutting edge CIO network. I will endure the highs and lows of a start-up, and commit to learning curves in front of me, because providing CIOs what they need to grow professionally is meaningful to me. I will enjoy financial benefit and positive reputation, but those are second to knowing I did what I did because I am who I am.
(As a result of the above, CIO Mastermind was born over four years ago).
Three Questions Before You Commit To A Resolution
- What is the fulfillment? An accomplishment must satisfy something in you, not just provide something for you. The internal reward must outweigh the external.
- What must I be capable of? We must know what will be required of us, and if the meaning of what we are doing is greater than the endurance demanded of us. How many times has someone said, “This isn’t worth it.” Resolve that at the outset.
- What is the desire behind the trigger? Triggers get our attention, but desire drives our intention. Weighing more than we have is a trigger (“I need to lose weight”). But what is the real desire behind that: health, appearance, what people will say, self-esteem? People will sit with pain or hold a dream and do nothing; a trigger gets their attention, but it’s still not enough. There is something more behind it. What, if not met, will leave you empty?
I write this article not only because 2023 is ahead of us, but because so many years are behind me. They held lessons to learn, and I learned them the hard way.
Contrary to popular thought, even though we grow through our mistakes, we don’t need to make mistakes to grow.
I would rather you not make my mistakes. I would rather you not live fractured, compartmentalized lives that look good but feel amiss. And I would rather you not make resolutions that are bound to fail because you didn’t make the effort to really think through if it will satisfy your identity, stretch your capacity meaningfully and be sustained by genuine desire and not just a momentary trigger.
Question: Strong resolve is rooted in clear identity. How clear are you on yours? I and my co-founder, who serves as our Executive Coach, would love to help you. To do resolutions differently and effectively, contact us here
